Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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