if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
