20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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