I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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