well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
