just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
