You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
