billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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