When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
