Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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