how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's shark week go big or go home
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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