Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize