So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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