I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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