he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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