it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
