ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
