i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
