omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
