I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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