My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
