please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
