There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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