im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My bed smells like the plague
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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