We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
