She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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