Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
