My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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