i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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