"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
