Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
