im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize