Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
