I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
