If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
