Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
