Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
