I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize