dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
