I am spending my child support on dildos
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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