Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize