look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
