Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my poor anus
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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