There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
