yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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