I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
