that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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