screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
