My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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