This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
