after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
