and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
