You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
