It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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