Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
