Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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