Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
