OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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