It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
