Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize