You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
