I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
