Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
