i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
