I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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