You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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