i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
