I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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