Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish there were birth control emojis
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize