I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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