Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
