TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
