Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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