it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize