Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
