god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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