You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
