I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize