I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
