maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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