i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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