Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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