My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
