am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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