Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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