Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
