hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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