drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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