Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
