Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
