I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
