I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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