Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
