i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ugly people sure do ruin things
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
