before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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