Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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