I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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