He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
