be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
