the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
