someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
