It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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