You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize