I cannot find my penis.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize